Catharsis

Posted on Fri Jun 20th, 2025 @ 11:59pm by Doctor Teagan Ceja

4,228 words; about a 21 minute read

Mission: Personal Logs
Location: Riya Aklar's Quarters

Catharsis.

A joint log by Riya Aklar and Teagan Ceja.

Set: Just after the events of ‘Again, and Again, And Again, and Again.’


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In no particular order, Teagan Ceja felt like her insides were tangled up in the roots of The Tree, her skin too sensitive, and everything itched. Swearing softly, she pulled on a loose pale green tunic that reached her mid calf, and a pair of soft ghillies.

Before she could think too much, she snatched up a slender box from her bed, and headed out of her quarters. About five steps down the corridor she realized that she hadn’t put her hair up into her usual complicated style. About ten, she decided that she didn’t particularly care. She held the box between her teeth as she walked, and plaited it all into one long plait that reached to just below her waist.

Much more comfortable. Even if there were faint teeth marks in the paper.

Her destination wasn’t far away, but it might as well have been across the galaxy. She held up a hand to press the panel beside the door. Snatched it back. Took a step back. Turned around to leave. And then spun, and actually touched the darn thing. She jumped backwards, but was now committed.

If Riya was there. Which she might not be. Probably wasn’t. Best to do this another time. Yes, there, very logical. Not in, time to leave.

Riya was roused from her reading by the door chime. Tilting her padd forward, eyebrow quirking, she asked herself who that could be. Setting aside the padd, she swung her legs off the bed and quickly checked herself in the mirror. She was wearing a mustard-colored kurti over black pants, perhaps a bit dressy for sitting at home. She'd been intending to visit the lounge tonight to socialize and meet more of the crew, but was allowing the next chapter and then the next to delay her departure.

"Coming!" she shouted while grabbing at some clips, mushing her hair into a messy updo. Regarding herself one last time, Riya turned from her bedroom and moved through the common area of her junior bridge officers' quarters. A quick scan revealed it wasn't too messy, if it could be a little better. Her roommate, Hikaru Shida, was on duty; relief tac/sec for Beta shift. While they'd gotten along so far, their overlapping schedules meant they spent little direct time together.

With a last check over her shoulder, she pressed the control to open the door. Ceja's presence at first threw her, she'd anticipated Ezee or perhaps Falco. "Oh," she said without really thinking about it. Then she collected herself and shared a big grin. "Doctor! Good to see you." Riya had met and worked with the Doctor over the past few months aboard but almost everything was mediated strongly by Drogan's presence in her mind. She was tamping down the urge to call her Teagan so readily. Indeed, it was taking everything in Aklar's power to keep Drogan's feelings for Ceja at bay within her. As it was, she could still feel the heat of a subtle blush on her cheeks, turning her fawn features a deeper tan. "Uh, heh," she produced a polite laugh to cover the lapse in her outward projection. "Please, do come in."

Teagan nodded and stepped forward. She looked around the room. It was the first time on the new ship that she’d been in one of the shared quarters assigned to the lower ranks. She nodded again.

“This is better than I expected,” she said. “Bigger? Maybe a better layout.”

"Ah, yes. Bigger, it certainly is!" She motioned Ceja into the seating area. "Phozic said the shape of the Sagan-class allows for more configurations of the crew quarters. It's certainly nicer than my academy bunk. And Shida is a dear to live with, if..." she trailed off as she moved over to the table in the seating area and moved a stack of padds and an old cup of raktajino to the side. "Tactical reports, y'know. Anyway, when I arrived Phozic remembered the name and tried to find me, in his words, the 'the best junior quarters a firm handshake can buy, Mr. Aklar' ..." Her hands balled into fists and she stood in place for a second. She exhaled and let her hands open. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

Teagan turned towards Riya. There was a pause, while she thought about what to say. “What’s your security clearance?” She groaned softly, followed by a soft mutter in the lyrical language of the Alshanti. “The i’toshaa-ni was supposed to make this easier. Ugh. Can I start over? Please, call me Teagan. That’s a formal permission, by the way. I know this has to be hard for you.”

She knew exactly where she needed to stand with the woman in front of her. She had to keep the boundary, for both of their sakes. So she stayed on the opposite side of the room.

So this was going to be awkward for both of them, Riya mused to herself. She was doing her best to balance Aklar's churn of thoughts and emotions and her own feelings. This was someone she worked with, someone who she took orders from, but also someone she knew intimately, even if she wasn't the one who knew her. But she couldn't help but notice the distance between them. On mission, they'd sat near each other, conversed, walked together. On the bridge they interacted, made jokes. They'd even touched fingertips as Drogan and she had in the past. But here, now, there was practiced distance; a clinician's understanding of the area of effect. Volen's security background clocked the distance, Teagan's body language; Phaele was focused on Teagan's words, prodding Riya to dig deeper. Drogan... was just happy to see her. Riya did her best to digest all of this.

After a moment, she said, "Teagan. Yes, great, thank you." With a gesture to the seating area, she added, "Please, sit down, Teagan." This time the name had a subtle lilt to it as if Riya were practicing the name, rolling it around her head. "Hard? I suppose so. It's... strange." She walked over to the replicator and produced two Tarkalean teas. "I remember so many of you, but I also don't know you as well as I remember." Setting down the tea on the table, she sat on the low sofa across from Teagan. "I've been trying my best to not channel the others, but a few of them are noisier than the others." For a moment, she debated saying the next thing before facing Teagan. "And Drogan is so near the surface, sometimes it's hard to not to feel his excitement when you're around, his concern for you when we were in the halls..." She allowed herself to trail off. "Hard, but the good type of hard. I wouldn't trade being here for anything."

It felt good to say that, to admit to someone the struggle to balance herself, but also the challenge in making new connections and a new path. "So, now, what's this about a security clearance?"

Teagan accepted the tea and sat on one of the regulation-specific-standard chairs. She tucked her feet up to sit cross legged. The tunic slipped, showing more of her leg, and a white band that wrapped around the skin just below her knee. She sipped the tea, and closed her eyes in delight.

“This is good,” she said. “I don’t know why I’m surprised that you got it the way I like drinking it.” She opened her eyes, smiling warmly. “Thank you.” She sipped again and put the tea to one side, and took a deep breath. She pulled her plaited hair over her shoulder, and fiddled with the end of it, slipping it through her fingers. “I’m glad that you wouldn’t change this for anything. Really glad.”

Just how was she going to do this? A litany of statements ran through her head. ‘ "Hi, by the way, I'm not human like we thought and I only just found out?" "Hey, remember that odd marker on my DNA we couldn't figure out?" "Listen, so there’s, like, this being that's bonded to me, but it’s all OK because it’s from my homeworld, and part of my race’s normal lifespan. You understand of course what that's like. Surprise!” “Want to meet Badb?” '

She settled for: “Admiral Psiam gave me a task, and it’s classified at the highest levels. You would be one of four people on this ship who know about it, if I tell you. You, TJ and Darwin outside of myself. None of the others can know. James will be briefed when we have time for me to properly explain. But I believe you need to know, so that the things Aklar and Drogan would notice won’t trip you up. Oh, wait. You haven’t met Psiam. Aklar love, he looks exactly like Jonesy, but he and TJ keep pretending they aren’t related. And he’s the head of the department we are officially attached to.” She laughed softly, “Now I’m babbling.”

"We babble," Riya replied with a small laugh. With a flourish she sipped her tea to give herself time to think. The names she knew, though not always in the way she hoped to. Swallowing her tea, and noting that she must have ordered Drogan's preferred sweetness and not the more bitter natural taste she preferred, she leaned forward.

"I suppose between Eurid and Volen, I probably had high enough security clearance." A lopsided grin crossed her face, "Though, technically, I know nothing." She played with the cup before setting it aside. "So, the things I notice - we notice - they have something to do with this secret mission?"

Special training wasn't needed to clock the differences Drogan had seen in Teagan since she arrived on the ship. The white bands, the physicality, something was up. She had probably been more vocal about these in front of the crew than she should have been, but such was having someone else's mind urging you to communicate the things they are seeing. Her mind was still swirling. She hadn't quite found the right time to connect on who TJ was. "I think the only thing I can ask at this point is... How can we help you Teagan?"

“I can wait,” Teagan said suddenly. Something had bothered her for a moment or two before her brain hooked it properly into place. “Are you alright?” How had Riya phrased it? Some of them were noisier? Drogan was so close to the surface that Riya was having to work at not feeling his feelings - there, that was the part that had caught her attention.

“Drogan used to get, well, they weren’t headaches exactly. Headaches don’t exist. But he’d experience discomfort every now and then when Volen was around a bit too much. I think it was Volen. They were tempestuous times. You have a lot of strong personalities that you have to find a way to balance and navigate. Remember, they accepted you for being you. And so do I. I’m glad you are here, and very happy that you are Aklar’s new host. ” She regarded Riya steadily. “I’m glad you’re you. We have a sensory tank in sickbay if you need it to have time to breathe.”

"Oh, no, I'm fine. Adjusting." Her eyes drifted a little to the side. "Tuning might be a more appropriate word." Riya's head nodded, almost like she didn't plan to do that before she settled into the nod herself. "Like learning the subspace frequencies. But I may take you up on that sensory tank. Who knows when I'll get back to the caves of Mak'ala."

Unsure what to do with her hands, she picked the tea up again. "But, Teagan," the name was said with confidence, a smile underpinning it that felt naturally Riya's, "let's talk about you."



She shifted back in the seat slightly, getting comfortable again. The white band etched into the skin of her leg had moved, slipping away so suddenly that only the last little bit of what looked like a tail was visible for a brief moment, before it too vanished. She blinked, her eyes shifting to a green the colour of sun kissed leaves for a split second. Then sighed a belly deep sigh.

“I hope you can help me out a bit, to be honest. I’m learning what it's like to have to listen to the incessant chatter of a Lir who won’t shut up.” She rolled her eyes. “Secret mission. And because you are you, all of you, then I get to say if your clearance is high enough for this. So shall it be. Resh’ta-ni ja’hair.”

"Lir?" Riya sat back herself, racking Aklar's brain to remember that name. "Would that have anything to do with your... moving tattoos?" Riya hadn't caught the movement of the band itself, but its conspicuous absence where it had been was noticeable. Suddenly, she leaned forward, her eyebrows unconsciously waggling in a way that didn't seem to fit the narrowed profile of her face. "You're... joined... with something? Related to your people?" There was a shift back, it seemed like she was bouncing between bits of Drogan and bits of herself.

"Okay, I - we - have to know everything." Gulping down the tea in a single quaff, she set the cup aside and then moved to sit in the chair next to Ceja. "How can we help?"

“Moving tattoo?” Teagan asked, puzzled. “I don’t have any… oh.. Badb (Baev). Come out and show yourself.” She relaxed, and grinned happily as she stretched her left arm out. Her eyes shifted back to the pale green. “It’s not a joining in the sense that the Trill join with each other. A Lir is a…” she groaned suddenly. “No, not a superior being with smooth fur and a sexy accent.”

She waggled her fingers. Sighed. Patted her arm. Sighed again, and then reached into the neckline of her tunic and, for want of a better way to explain it, hauled out a translucent wriggling creature. It promptly bumped its head against her hand, demanding to be scratched. The creature was a pale white, except for brilliant green eyes that were also the colour of sun kissed new leaves. The pointed head looked almost too sharp to be real, and its body was slender and lithe. It was long enough to wrap several times around her arm, from hand to shoulder.

“Badb, meet Riya. Riya is the host of Aklar, and a dear friend of mine. No… she isn’t going to have a Lir, she has her own Tahlmorra.”

She turned towards Riya, grinning with delight. “This is a Lir. The creatures that don’t choose someone are simply.. animals. Hawks, rabbits, wolves and so on. Badb is a spirit fox, so I’m told. A mouthy one with a bad attitude.” Her laughter spilled out, and she held Badb out to be admired.

Riya sat back and regarded the Lir. Her eyes narrowed, analytical, as she took in the creature. A million questions flowed through her mind - no, make that minds. Leaning closer, she examined the Lir, Babd, and began to formulate a response.

While Teagan may just be learning Riya's facial expressions, she could probably pick out the ticks of numerous faces crossing her features. Her body language subtly changed and so did the timbre of her voice. "So... wow. Okay. Nice to meet you Babd." Riya smiled a big, welcoming smile. "Please excuse what's about to happen."

Her eyes closed tightly, rapid eye movement visible through her lids. When they reopened, she exploded in questions. "Mental or physical? Both? Symbiotic shared mind or individuals? Detectable separate life sign?" There were hints of Aklar's various personalities on each question. Drogan's scientific mind seemed to be taking the lead, but some of the questions were tinged by Berin's social scientific investigation.

"You seem so secretive about it? How did Babd get past the transporters and bioscanners?" That was certainly Volen, but the tone was not accusative, a genuine interest in how this secondary life sign was seemingly unknown to them.

"Fantastic," she added just after the question of bioscanners. "Such a beautiful creature, that ease of movement, a certain grace to your bearing." Riya's eyes flicked to Teagan. "That includes both of you." Her hand hovered closer to Babd as she regarded them again. "Like a brushstroke of pure zinc white." Phaele, whose eye for detail was only outshone by her sense of wonder.

"Oh, that's what that feels like," she said suddenly, her bearing and voice once again her own. "Babd, it's a pleasure to meet you and you've met... most of me." A warm smile as she regained herself, turned to regard Teagan. "Tell us everything."

“And hello to you all too.” Teagan smiled. “It’s lovely to see you.” She gathered her thoughts. Easiest first, she decided.

“Starfleet changed my records,” she said simply. “Transporters, scans, medical, all reads as perfectly normal. Badb and I scan as one being, not two. You would have to have a rather specific clearance to see anything different. So, that bit was easy. There had always been a question about something in my DNA that didn’t make sense for being Earth Stock.”

Her brain caught up with the compliment, and she blushed. Then poked at Badb, and glared. “No. And No is a full sentence.”

She shifted, angling towards Riya, and reached out to take both of Riyas hands in her own. “This next bit is why the secrecy. Turns out that I have what is called The Old Blood according to the Alshanti. When they bond, they gain some… abilities. I don’t have them all, I come late to the entire thing. They use some sort of earth based energy to heal injuries. I can’t imagine what that’d be like. What I could do. But what I do have is unusual. The Shar-Tahl said that my blood comes from the early times. I.. well.. here.”

She dropped Riyas hands. Blinked, and tilted her head forward.

A moment later, a white wolf-like creature sat where Ceja had a moment before, blinking green eyes. Badb flowed around the creature, then came to a halt, staring at Riya as if in challenge.

"Well, I certainly wasn't expecting this." Riya suppressed the urge to run to her room and grab the tricorder and scan away. Instead, she focused her thoughts and tried to get a hold of Aklar. The various hosts were arguing in the symbiote's head with questions and thoughts. The part of her that was Drogan was loudest and hectoring the others, though he always tended to defer to Phaele and Volen. With another exhale she felt she was getting the hang of herselves.

Ceja watched the shifts, identifying some, wistful at others. They were excited for her. Accepted. They accepted her. They saw Teagan and accepted Teagan, even now she was different. She felt something loosen inside, and the warmth that spread through her was as much relief as it was delight in the expression on Riya’s face.

Teagan saw the minuscule twitch of Riya’s fingers, and just knew that there was a tricorder somewhere that was itching to be used. In her present form, she couldn’t speak and she had no intrinsic ability to speak mind to mind except to Badb. TJ had told her she was about as telepathic as a stone, and stones might actually beat her out in terms of ability. But if there was one thing she knew, it was the little movement of the hands that was pure Drogan when he wanted his tricorder.

While Riya had her own questions, she did let Drogan filter to the front. She was still navigating the oddity of the situation. He cared for Teagan and his concern, attention, inquiry, love, filtered to the top. There had been hesitancy from the Symbiosis Commission about sending Riya to the Potemkin. Two of the docents argued that Drogan had too many attachments there, which would interfere with her ability to bond with Aklar. But there were two others who felt the circumstances of Drogan's severing as well as Riya's own encounter with the Borg transporter incident would best be helped by being around familiar environs.

In the end, an impassioned - read, terse - note from Dr. Arnet which indicated the best care was with people who could help guide her pushed another of the docents to relent and allow her placement on the Potemkin. That it was a new ship and a mix of former and new crew helped sway the case. At this moment she was glad she had made it. Whatever Drogan felt for Teagan - and it was a lot - Riya could feel her own connection growing. She wasn't being pushed back into being Aklar, Teagan and the crew were helping her be Riya.

"Locked form shapeshifting? Tied to a genetic anomaly more than a millennia in the making?" Running a hand through her hair, the blend of Riya and Drogan in the questions became somewhat more evident. "How was this activated? What does it feel like?" Joined, after a fashion, and now able to shift form... would Teagan never cease to amaze.

Teagan considered whether to show off more, but decided that she wanted to spend more time talking with Riya. Besides, she had a gift to give. The energy of the shift overtook her, and she came back to herself. Once again, she was glad for the fact that her clothing went with her, and returned in the same condition. She took several deep breaths.

“So many questions,” she said with a lilt of laughter in her voice. She snagged both what was left of her tea, and the small box, then tucked her legs up again. Badb flowed around her neck, looking like a very expensive scarf. It blinked.

“Yes, we like her,” Teagan murmured.

She wriggled into a more comfortable spot, turned more fully towards Riya.

“From the top? I am able to sul’harai into many forms, but I can’t just change into whatever I like. Yes to genetics playing a part. Best guess is that one of my ancestors in the clan had a little one with one of the colonists. And here I am, with a bloodline long since thought eradic.. uh, lost. And it’s like being itchy on the inside of your skin. Sul’harai is an intense sensation. It feels like belonging."

She leaned her head onto the back of the chair, turning to rest her cheek against the upholstery.

“Enough about me. This is for you.” She held out the parcel, teeth marks and all, to Riya. “I hope you like it.”

"Oh! Uh, this is... unexpected." With an incline of her head in gratitude, she took the parcel in her hands. She made eye contact. "Which is to say, thank you." Her hands slid down the paper packaging, gently playing with the wrapping. A smile broke out as she hooked her thumbs into a flap and uncovered what Teagan had given her.

She slid a painting out of the wrapping. For a moment, she took the painting in. And then she gasped, bringing the small framed oil closer to her face. "What?" Looking up from the painting to Teagan. "Where did you find this?"

With a grace of movement that didn't exactly feel like Riya's, her index finger idly traced some of the broad yellow-orange oil lines on the small canvas. "I remember these strokes." Her voice was softer, tinged with memory, nostalgia. "London. I was teaching at the Sorbonne... we took a day trip to London, all the museums, the students, I did a study for a larger piece..." A deep breath, "Oh Teagan, Phaele is so touched. She never thought she'd see this again. We all are."

Standing up she moved to the small shelving unit for her personal effects that helped "hide" the door to her bunk in the shared room. "It's amazing to see this again." The abstract expressionist piece was an array of yellows and oranges with a fringe of blacks, greens, purples and whites. She propped up the painting on one of the shelves, adjusting it. "Perfect." She was beaming, now, as she crossed back to Ceja. "This became 'Catharsis,' which I think you may have seen on Bolarus. But when it started life here, it was called... 'Joined.'" Sitting down, she turned to Teagan. "A most fitting gift, my friend. I can't imagine where you found it."

“I’m so happy you like it!” Teagan leaned forward and touched a fingertip to one of Riya’s, then leaned back. “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I spotted the canvas. If you get some more tea, I’ll tell you all about it.”

‘There,’ she thought. ‘This feels.. Good.’ Badb, for once, was quiet on the matter.

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