Behind-The-Eyes

Posted on Fri Nov 18th, 2022 @ 7:05am by Lieutenant JG Ezrin Ezee

615 words; about a 3 minute read

Bridge-engineer-friend had just left, and the quarters still smelled of cookies, but Ezrin did not feel particularly comforted. They stood in what the humans called a ‘bathroom’, and stared at themself in the mirror. Their features were the same as they ever were, with shoulder-length teal hair the texture of moss, rich green skin, and reddish-gold eyes that were a smidge too large for their face. But there was a shadow in those eyes, a shadow they had hoped they’d never see again. That of an animal, cornered and forced to fight for it’s life. They’d had to do that for their whole life, of course, right up until they’d joined Starfleet, and discovered that the vast majority of the universe was not as dangerous as their home planet, and instead was a place of wonder, curiosity, ingenuity and adventure.

Space *was* dangerous, naturally. Ezrin had figured that out quick enough. But not nearly as dangerous as Armellia-planet-home, and was therefore far preferable. Even if it *had* meant that they’d had to learn to swim, and be in big-deep-waters, one of the only things that thoroughly frightened them. But big-deep-waters simply existed, without thought or feeling, and a being could survive them simply by knowing their dangers. It was not the same as being faced with a creature or plant intent on njevnj. On ‘kill and eat’. Ezrin thought back to those moments in that cavern, of watching the young-being running off blindly into danger, as young-beings tended to do. Of rock-being running after him, and of themself, Ezrin, following, without a thought in their head other than frustration and desire to protect. Try as they might, they could not remember what had happened after this, not until they’d heard bridge-talk-friend call to them to back away, and had seen the young-being’s injuries. They’d turned their back on the big-strong-bug, and had been moving to help the young-being get to safer ground, when they’d been transported back to Potemkin-ship-home.

Ezrin shuddered. Now that they had a chance to think, they realized that turning their back in that moment could have cost them their life. For that matter, the entire encounter could have done that. And it was not certain if the young-being would even survive; he was still in...what was the human word? Surgery? Ezrin nodded to themself; yes, that was the word.

Ezrin’s nod dislodged a pendant from their shirt. It was small, only a short-finger in length, filled with a yellow-clear resin, and encasing a purple leaf, forever preserved. Ezrin’s fingers shook slightly as they reached up to it, cradling it to their breast. It would be alright. All they could do was their best, and they had done that, hadn’t they? Memories or not, they’d done what they’d had to do, to keep the young-being safe, and no being at all was perfect. It wasn’t Ezrin’s fault that the young-being had gotten hurt. It was sad, and the events left Ezrin with the taste of ashes in their mouth, but there was no need for so much guilt. Even if the young-being died, he would simply go on to live in nkal, The After. It was small comfort, to beings-left-behind, but it *was* comfort, and Ezrin had lived through their friends’ deaths before. This was not a new feeling; they’d simply forgotten it, for a while.

Ezrin looked at themself, in the mirror, and smiled, hesitantly. A little of their usual cheer bled into the expression, and their own face began to look a little more familiar.

Yes, they would be fine. Just fine.

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